Remember primary school — and those basic skills in making friends we were introduced to?
So what happened to that stuff as we became adults?
I’ve been surfing a lot lately, mostly at our local break just across the road from home, but occasionally I venture to the more popular (and crowded) spots. At our local you can paddle out and instantly be in conversation with the other three or four blokes in the water and most of us know each other quite well now.
But once the crowd becomes unfamiliar the tone changes. It becomes the same kind of crowd you find in a train, or an elevator, except that there is an added air of competition afoot for the best wave. A pecking order forms and I am under no illusions where I sit these days.
I love my local break partly because it’s a relatively unknown gem close to home, but I also love it for the men I spend time with while I’m out there.
Recently I’ve taken my son with me on most surfs and he has been welcomed into the crew too. The other men encourage him and cheer him on as he learns and improves.
It’s what surfing ought to feel like.
Last week as I paddled out to a break north of Two Rocks amidst 20 other guys I became a face on the train again — another competitor, a threat — and it felt somewhat icy. So I decided it was time to ‘smile and say G’day’. Not a kooky, dorky ‘smile and say G’day’, but warm and friendly — change the tone kinda ‘smile and say G’day’.
In a sullen crowd of snarling faces a smile could well be seen as a sign of weakness, a way to further lower my place in the pecking order. Or a smile could be a way to return surfing to a shared experience of the ocean where we all enjoy ourselves rather than separating into winners and losers.
In a silent group of eight or nine guys all scanning the horizon to snaffle the next wave, sometimes all it takes is a ‘beautiful day, hey?’ to break the ice, but it so often seems to go against the grain. I’ve actually had people plain ignore me as I’ve looked them in the eye and said ‘G’day’…bizarre…so I’ve waited five minutes and tried a different tack. ‘Day off today?’ And sooner or later they cave. No one really wants to be a rude, arrogant pig.
I’m not out there for a ‘chat’, but neither am I out there to compete.
As with most things in life someone has to go first to change the culture. So if you happen to see me in the water chances are I’ll be that guy who paddles over and smiles at you – then says ‘G’day’.
Try to be nice.
It makes for a much better world.
Andrew is a part-time pastor, part-time retic bloke, full-time husband, dad and coffee snob (he’s also one of 98five’s 3 Minute Message pastors). He describes his blogs as unrefined, theological musings, random personal reflections and occasional naughtiness. backyardmissionary.com | Follow Andrew on Instagram