Listen to Rory Shiner on The Brekky Show with Kirste & Morro for Dad Diaries.
The Dad Diaries with Rory Shiner
It’s the first Dad Diaries for the year so let’s do a quick reset, Rory Shiner is the pastor of Providence Church and is a dad of 4 boys. A 13, 12, 10 and 8 year old. That means Rory’s got 2 boys in high school! It’s uncharted territory for the Shiners but, how hard can it be?
How are you growing into that space?
Rory is massively influenced by Bruce Robinson’s work and The Fathering Project’s teaching. They say that from ages 0-5 years, dad should be primarily supporting mum. From 6-13 years you so, so, have to be a part of their daily lives. From 13 years, the trick is to get them into mentoring relationships. Get them into environments where they can find men, younger than you but still older than them, that they can emulate and look up to.
Rory says he sees that especially in boys, “boys are like heat-seeking missiles for mentors, you can see it in their sports heroes or in the workplace. I bet your boys have a favourite uncle that they follow around like ducks.”
They work in an apprenticeship model, they think “ok, that’s the kind of guy I could be, I wonder how they do it.”
So that’s what Rory is praying for and working towards this year: How can I get my boys around good quality young men they can look up to?
You can do this formally and informally. You could approach a guy you know and say “hey, I think you’re a great guy, could you spend some time with my kids and speak into their lives?”. Or, you can also build up your own circles of these great young(er) people and let your kids discover the mentor. Youth groups or sports clubs are a great place for this because these type of places are really picky about the people who have influence over the kids.