Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdom City joins Bec and Jeziel in the studio to talk about good habits in your marriage. These habits are those that strengthen your relationship to love and grow in love more deeply.
How do habits form?
There is a great quote from Ralph Waldo Emmerson,
“Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.
How long does it take to form good habits?
According to a 2009 study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, it takes 18 -24 days for a person to form a new habit. The study also concluded that, on average, it takes 66 days for a new behaviour to become automatic.
Why does it seem easier to form bad habits than good habits?
One element of habit formation is reward. The bigger reward, the stronger the connection to a habit. For example, eating junk food vs eating healthy. It gives you instant carbs and sugar and an immediate reward,
Good habits will generally have long term rewards/benefits – healthy.
Bad Habits often have instant reward/pleasure but can be long term damage – immediate spike.
A new habit forms because someone chooses and desires the long term reward over the immediate pain of changing.
SPECIAL NOTE: Sometimes couples need to get to a place of dissatisfaction with their relationship before they are ready to try or commit towards things that cause their marriage to excel. If I’m only mildly dissatisfied with the status quo, I may never have the motivation to make big changes.
What are some good habits that cause our relationships to thrive?
- Kiss good morning and good night
- Kiss on the lips every day – kissing releases Oxytocin & Dopamine – release stress/creates bonding
- Going to bed together
- Saying I love you
- Forgiving quickly
- Believing the best of your spouse (motive) – Understand Personality Differences
- Communicating first, Doing second
- Celebrating and Appreciation
Why it can be difficult to break a habit
According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), pleasure-based habits are particularly difficult to break, because enjoyable behaviour prompts your brains to release dopamine.
Dopamine is the reward that strengthens the habit and creates the craving to do it again.
Hear the full interview below: