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Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdom City joined Bec and Jeziel in the studio to talk about growing healthy marriages. 

Today’s session is about building boundaries into our Conflict Communication that allows us to resolve issues safely. But how do we create a boundary in a conflict?

  1. Boundaries are created in non conflict conversations … talking about our next conflict
  2. Boundaries help us to stay focused on the issue but be kind/respectful to the person
  3. Boundaries must be agreed to by both parties
  4. Boundaries help us seek the highest good of the marriage

Here are some examples of agreed boundaries:

  1. Volume – We won’t shout over the top of each other to feel heard
    Proverbs 15:1 “Respond gently when you are confronted and you’ll defuse the rage of another. Responding with sharp, cutting words will only make it worse.”
  2. Language – We won’t allow our conflict to lead us into making statements about our marriage and cursing the thing we want to grow.
  3. Attitude – We will keep our spirit open to each other and not shut down … silent statement
  4. Time-out – We will pause when one party is overwhelmed and too upset to talk … we will seek to heal the hurt (forgive) and then move forward to address the issue.

These were boundaries we need…yours may be different…identify what areas you need to put in place to help support and scaffold your conversations until they are resolved.

When we are communicating with our spouses we need to be mindful of the tone of voice we are using. Tone of voice communicates emotion, not information which can blur the conversation.

Hear the full interview below:

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