Hitched with Pastor Phil Ayres: How to stop an argument from escalating

18 August 2022

Reading Time: 2 minutes

HitchedPastor Phil Ayres from Kingdomcity, joined Bec and Jeziel to share his advice on growing strong marriages.

As people, we can lose all sense of right and wrong in how we react to each other when we feel our spouse is treating us unfairly or not caring for our needs. Our sense of hurt gives justification for how we react to each other. But if we allow these arguments to escalate and spiral out of control it can affect your family, friends and life. There is always more at stake than the issue you are both dealing with.

What is escalation?

A disagreement between you are your spouse can escalate if there is a lack of communication. This results in attacking each other with hurtful remarks, bringing up past unresolved conflicts and believing that your marriage won’t work.

How can you stop an argument from escalating?

  1.  Meet in advance: Before the argument spirals out of control address the conflict
  2. Declare your intention: Remind your partner that you love them and that your intention was never to hurt them but learn to communicate and grow your relationship.
  3. Agree on what you will and won’t do: don’t introduce past conflicts and issues while trying to resolve your current argument.
  4. Recognise your vulnerability in conflict: don’t call each other names or resort to hurtful comments
  5. Prioritise the person over your cause: Don’t place importance on getting your way

“If you do those five things…I believe that when you are dealing with your next conflict you can actually be successful and bring glory to God.”

Let us know by texting or messaging us on socials. Listen to the full chat below!