Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdomcity joins Mel and Jeziel in the studio to share wisdom on marriage and relationships. Phil has a passion for growing strong families, and is a goldmine of knowledge and advice. Phil says his passion stems from enduring many difficult years of marriage. After weathering the storm, his marriage is now stronger than ever, and he loves to share his expertise on marriage, families and weddings.
The idea of a wedding ceremony being the formal start of a marriage is centuries old. But these days a lot of people look at it and think “it’s expensive, it’s a hassle, why can’t we just say our vows privately and skip the whole kerfuffle?” Well, there’s a variety of reasons why that isn’t such a great idea.
What’s all this about the wedding ceremony being centuries old?
Like a lot of history, the wedding ceremony is a bit of a mish-mash of many cultures. Many modern aspects of weddings have very interesting historical origins. Bridesmaids were originally decoys in case somebody wanted to kidnap the bride. The best man was in charge of catching the bride if she ran away before the ceremony. While modern weddings are far less archaic, those, and other more sensible traditions have remained.
What’s the difference between a covenant and a contract?
A lot of people see the wedding as fulfilling the contractual part of a marriage. You sign a form, have some witnesses and being your new life. In reality, a wedding is the beginning of a covenant, not just a contract. A covenant has 3 important parts.
- Terms and conditions. The most basic part of the covenant. This encompasses the “to the exclusion of all others” and “til death do us part” vows.
- The Promises. The vow to be together for richer or poorer, better or worse.
- The Sacrifice. The consummation/physical commitment to the marriage.
Why can’t we make our own vows privately without other people being involved? It’s no one else’s business…right?
You might be thinking “why can’t we have a quiet night at home, sign the marriage certificate, and make our vows to each other in private?” Well, you can, but you shouldn’t. And here’s why:
- Vows made in private are much easier to break.
- By making your vows before witnesses, you are inviting them to support and stand with you in your decision to be married.
- Getting formally married is giving full weight to your decision to love and be faithful to this person for the rest of your life.
- I’m intentionally giving myself to my spouse with a lifetime commitment in mind…rather than responding emotionally to the moment because I’m intoxicated by feelings of love.
- My wedding serves as a clear starting point and clear delineation of new boundaries in my relationship priorities.
- The wedding ring you wear keeps you accountable and reminds others you’re spoken for.
For all of Ps. Phils top tips, check out the podcast below: