Hitched: The next two types of communicators

Wednesday, May 6, 2020 1:15 pm
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdomcity joins Jeziel in the studio to share wisdom on marriage and relationships. Phil has a passion for growing strong families, and is a goldmine of knowledge and advice. Phil says his passion stems from enduring many difficult years of marriage. After weathering the storm, his marriage is now stronger than ever, and he loves to share his expertise on marriage, relationships, and communicators


Last week we covered the first 2 different communication styles. This week Ps. Phil ran us through the final two styles.

Direct and Indirect

Direct communicators have no problem expressing what they want, while an indirect communicator tends to skirt around the issue. Problems can arise due to a direct style often seeming abrasive, or offensive to the spouse. Meanwhile, indirect communication can risk misunderstandings.

The solution in this situation is for the direct communicator to remember that their words can hurt their spouse, even if not intended. Making sure to choose their words carefully, and possibly approach some topics in a less direct manner can help. Conversely, the indirect communicator can try saying exactly what they mean from time to time. It may feel awkward at first, but you’ll eventually find the middle ground.

Hot and Cold

A hot communicator is someone who wants to solve problems then and there. They’ll push for a resolution as soon as possible in order to move in. A cold communicator, on the other hand, prefers to take their time, and think things through. Additionally, they may struggle to think clearly when emotions are high, but make up for it later on.

A hot communicator will feel stressed if things are left unresolved, and will feel tensions and pressure to sort out your differences. This struggle is the opposite in a cold communicator. They don’t mind things being unresolved, as it gives them time to get their thoughts and feelings in order.

The easiest solution her is for the hot communicator to learn to cool off, take a breath, and give their spouse time to sort out their feelings.

For all of Ps Phil’s great tips, check out the podcast below:

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