Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdomcity joins Mel and Jeziel in the studio to share wisdom on marriage and relationships. Phil has a passion for growing strong families, and is a goldmine of knowledge and advice. Phil says his passion stems from enduring many difficult years of marriage. After weathering the storm, his marriage is now stronger than ever, and he loves to share his expertise on marriage, families and roles.
Making sure you’re playing your role isn’t just important for actors. In a marriage, both the husband and wife have roles they need to play in order for the marriage to be as successful as possible.
This week Ps. Phil is focusing on the husband. What roles should a husband play in a marriage? To start with, let’s answer an important question: doe the bible assign specific roles in the marriage to the husband and wife? the answer is that, yes, it does in some things, but it isn’t prescriptive! Most roles can be carried together or interchangeably depending on abilities and skills.
So what roles are specific to a husband?
Lover: Ephesians 5:25-28 MSG
“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church – a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her”
As you can see, the bible is full of messages to husbands to love their wives. being a lover isn’t just about things in the bedroom, it’s about all in, complete love. As the quote says, as Christ loved the church, love your wife.
Leader: Ephesians 5:23 MSG
“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.”
In leading a marriage, it’s all about giving the marriage and your wife the highest value you can. Additionally, it’s about shaping and maintaining the culture of your house and family, and protecting and providing for your family. That doesn’t just mean you have to be the breadwinner. Make sure that no matter who is going out and earning the money, you’re taking charge and making sure your family has all they need.
Listener: 1 Peter 3:7 NKJV
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them (your wives) with understanding”
Take time to listen to your wife. Study her, learn her, and make your life about discovering new things about her.
James 1:19 NLT
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”
Is it harder to be a husband now, compared to years gone by?
The short answer is YES. The slightly longer answer is also yes, because generally today there’s a lack of strong male role models, close family support and advisors, a diversity of expectation and more pressure.
Where does someone start if they feel they aren’t coping well in their role as husband?
Here’s four easy steps you can take:
- Make a decision – you are the guardian of your own soul and destiny
- Talk to God. As Jeremiah 33:3 says:
“This is God’s Message, the God who made earth, made it livable and lasting, known everywhere as God: ‘Call to me and I will answer you. I’ll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.’”
- Find a role model or two. Talk to them if you can and take on their advice.
- Search for resources. Phil recommends this video from Jimmy Evans as a starting point.
To hear all of Ps. Phil’s great advice on roles in marriage, check out the podcast below: