Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdomcity joins Jeziel in the studio to share wisdom on marriage and relationships. Phil has a passion for growing strong families, and is a goldmine of knowledge and advice. Phil says his passion stems from enduring many difficult years of marriage. After weathering the storm, his marriage is now stronger than ever, and he loves to share his expertise on marriage, relationships, and love.
Last week Ps Phil answered some of your marriage and relationship questions. The response was overwhelming, so he’s back this week to answer even more!
How do I respect my husband when for the past few months, his actions have not been respectable? Things like losing his license for drink driving, being lazy at work and grumpy with the kids.
To begin with, let’s remember firstly that the past few months have been the heat of COVID-19. People are coping in different ways. so the first question is “is this typical behaviour?” If it’s not, are you able to identify a trigger or cause for the behaviour? The cause could be anxiety, fear, a midlife crisis of sorts, or even depression. The trick is to identify the issue behind the issues.
Secondly, look for support from your community. In a time of crisis, it’s important to have friends and supporters who love you as a couple and can encourage you. If he’s lost his mojo, the weight falls on you, which makes it harder for you to be objective.
Thirdly, you need to choose to respect him, even if you don’t feel it. Respecting him in spite of his junk will bring out the gold. You need to ask yourself what hat you’re going to wear. Judge and jury, or supporter, lover and friend.
What advice would you have for the spouse of a workaholic when talking hasn’t worked?
First of all, have you talked through the issue to the point of agreement and change, or have you just vented your anger? Sometimes when we say talking, what we mean is we’ve vented, but we haven’t agreed on change. Secondly, aside from identifying your spouse as a workaholic, try identifying the trigger, and the effect it has on the family. Another good idea is to discuss community support for the issue.
To hear all of the issues and solutions, check out the podcast below: