Hitched: How to let go of hurt

Tuesday, March 24, 2020 5:28 pm
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdomcity joins Jeziel in the studio to share wisdom on marriage and relationships. Phil has a passion for growing strong families, and is a goldmine of knowledge and advice. Phil says his passion stems from enduring many difficult years of marriage. After weathering the storm, his marriage is now stronger than ever, and he loves to share his expertise on marriage, relationships, and letting hurt go.


People who hold on to past hurts can often relive the pain over and over again in their minds. Sometimes a person can even get stuck in this pain, and it grows. The only way to accept new joy and happiness into your live is to make space for it. If you’re heart is filled with pain and hurt, there’s no space for joy.

How does hurt affect us?

Aside from the obvious ways, like stress, anxiety and fear, hurt can lead to panic attacks, anger and the break down of trust in relationships. None of these are good, and none are conducive to letting go.

How do you let go?

The first step is to make a conscious decision to let go. You must recognise that holding on to hurt is a choice that you’re making, and that it won’t disappear on its own. You have to take charge of your heart and the things you allow to fill it up. From Proverbs 4:23 NLT

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life”

The next step is to talk about it. Find a friend you can trust, or if necessary a professional. Unpack what it is that you’re holding onto, and make the internal external. The third step is to stop blaming your spouse (or whomever has hurt you.). Your feelings matter, but don’t confuse that with “your feelings should override everything else, and nothing else matters.”

But what if it is my spouse’s fault? Am I supposed to just let it go?

No, but identify your response. Is it making things better or worse? Reset your expectations, and don’t let unrealistic expectations set you up for more hurt. You and your spouse will both fail at times, so be a forgiver.

For all of Phil’s great advice, check out the podcast below:



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