Hitched: Leading from our strengths

Tuesday, September 3, 2019 5:44 pm
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdomcity joins Mel and Jeziel in the studio to share wisdom on marriage and relationships. Phil has a passion for growing strong families, and is a goldmine of knowledge and advice. Phil says his passion stems from enduring many difficult years of marriage. After weathering the storm, his marriage is now stronger than ever, and he loves to share his expertise on marriage, families and strengths.


All good marriages are made from two halves. But how does each half know who plays which role, and how to keep moving in one direction? As Genesis 2:19 (AMP) says:

Now the Lord God said “it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper (one who balances him – a counterpart who is) suitable and complementary for him”

In short, this boils down to God bringing two opposites to make a whole. Genesis 2:12 (New English Translation) lays it out nicely:

“So the Lord God cause the man to fall asleep in to a deep sleep, and while he was asleep he took part of the mans side and close up the place with flesh. Not part of his head to control him. not part of his foot to be walked on by him. But part of his side to partner with him and balance him.”

The two halves of a marriage, the man and the woman, are designed to be perfectly complementary. and as Mignon McLaughlin said:

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”

So how does this work practically, who does what?

A couple needs to have three things in mind when thinking about how to serve their family, where do we have opportunity, where are we needed and where are we gifted?

To help break it down even further, Ps Phil has a handy acronym: HEART:

H: Heartbeat – What motivates or energises you?

E: Experience – What previous experience do you have?

A: Abilities – Are you naturally gifted in any particular area?

R: Relational skills – Who is the people person and who is the task person?

T: Training – Does one of you have professional training in a particular area?

What does leading from your strengths help couples do?

There’s three areas that help a marriage that knows their roles:

  1. Finding Satisfaction (the idea of “we were born to do this”)
  2. To flex with the seasons (“we can accommodate change”)
  3. To function in synergy (“we are maximising our potential”)

The best way to illustrate the is with Ecclesiastes 4:9

“two can accomplish more than twice as much as once, doe the results can be better”

That’s even better proven by the old wisdom that two draft horses in a team can pull more than twice as much as one on it’s own. 

To hear all of Phil’s great tips on strengths, check out the podcast below:

Skip to toolbar