Hitched: Affair-proofing your marriage

Tuesday, June 11, 2019 5:49 pm
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdomcity joins Mel and Jeziel in the studio to share wisdom on marriage and relationships. Phil has a passion for growing strong families, and is a goldmine of knowledge and advice. Phil says his passion stems from enduring many difficult years of marriage. After weathering the storm, his marriage is now stronger than ever, and he loves to share his expertise.


This week Phil touched on the sensitive topic of infidelity. Relationships Australia suggests that the societal attitudes to infidelity are changing in Australia. People are coming to expect infidelity in relationships. But why is this, and what can be done to affair-proof your marriage?

To begin, let’s look at  1 Corinthians 7:3-4 (The Message)

“It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.”

Why do some people become unfaithful?

The study done by Relationships Australia in January 2018 found that emotional affairs are more common than physical ones. That is, inappropriate communication or emotional attachment to someone other than your partner, without sexual contact. However, the majority of physical affairs begin with an emotional bond with someone who is not your spouse.

So what causes these affairs? The main two causes are emotional drift, and feeling unappreciated at home. Emotional drift is the main cause, with 52% of disloyal men, and 60% of disloyal women reporting that as their reason, while under-appreciation at home was the cause for 23% of men and 16% of women.

Statistics also show that those who have an affair in a first relationship, are 3 times more likely to be unfaithful in subsequent relationships. Pastor Phil says that in unfaithful situations, the marriage stops being a central priority through which people live their life, it becomes one of many priorities that is swallowed up in life.

So how can you build an affair-proof marriage?

  1. Above all, keep your marriage as your first priority.
  2. Ask the right questions. Communicate effectively with your spouse. How can I love you and better meet your needs? Does our relationship need work?
  3. Be open and vulnerable. Discuss areas of sexual temptation and how to guard each other.
  4. Keep short accounts and forgive quickly. Don’t allow hurt to rent a room in your relationship.
  5. Monitor bedroom time. Go to bed together, and make sure there’s plenty of time there together. Make sure the kids can’t jump in!
  6. Watch the late night gadget trap in the bedroom. Don’t spend all night on your phones not talking to each other.
  7. Create regular time in your schedule for each other

To hear all of Ps. Phil’s great advice, check out the podcast below:

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