Over the two weeks that Graham Irvine, from River View Church, was on holiday we received a few messages asking some parenting teenager questions. Now that he’s back we were able to dive into these questions!
Michelle asks at what age do teenagers stop sleeping so much?
“Oh that’s an easy question” said Graham, teenagers need a lot of sleep up until about 20. There are a few ways to tackle this depending on what you’re worried about. If you’re stressed about them waking up late and missing breakfast before school. I’d say it’s more important for you to lower the stress in that environment rather than stressing about them eating.
All conflict is due to a lack of unmet expectations. If there is conflict because you expect your 15 year old to sleep the same routines as you as a 44 year old, you need to change your expectations. But they still have to get up and go to school so maybe their expectations need to change. Sit down and review your expectations, talk about it and find somewhere in between. If all you’re doing is freaking out in the morning, saying “get up, lets go, we’ve got to go..” that’s going to do nothing.
Diane asks how do I get my teenager to clean up after himself?
Think about it like being coach, take Adam Simpson for instance. He can’t be a good coach by only telling the players what to do. He has to come along side of them and work through. Yes there is times in which he has to be directive. Sometimes we as parents get caught up in closed questions. We need to learn to ask open ended questions and this will take time and practice.
It won’t be instantaneous. Be patient, you’ll probably have to have another conversation, and another conversation and another conversation.
Graham suggested start this conversation off like this: “I’m frustrated when i come home and there are fifty million dishes for me to clean up when i come home. If we worked in the same office and my messy desk spilt over to yours – what would you do? How can we solve this?” Finally, Graham offers this last piece of advice.
Remember this word, grace. We love it in our own faith, but sometimes forget about it in our own human to human interactions. Give each other some grace.
Have a listen to the full chat below.