Trust in a marriage is built, not a given

Monday, September 12, 2016 8:26 am

Amanda Viviers | 98five blogger

Marriage Week 2016 bloggers post pointer

Trust is such a loaded word. It is layered by memories filled with disappointment, unmet expectations and dysfunction.

Have you ever said “I trust you”, but really on the inside, you are shaking?

Wisdom tells us that we are to live lives that produce trust in the relationships of those closest, even when we feel like our trust has been broken.

Can you be serious wisdom?

Proverb 31:11-12

Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.

She brings him good not harm, all the days of her life.

Marriage Week 2016 Amanda and Charl Viviers

Amanda and Charl Viviers

One of the greatest gifts I have been given in the early days of marriage is a partnership with someone who always believes the best in me. My husband is a man of few words but he remains firmly planted in the moment and when he speaks it is always in a situation that is present rather than difficulty that has passed. I am learning that a life of wisdom is a consistent one.

A routine filled with similarity can bring with it boredom but a life full of hope, built on a foundation of wisdom produces trust. We call our family unit a team. Not because it is something that we heard someone cute say once and we wanted to copy, it is a deep commitment to each other that we are all playing together towards the end goal of living a deeply satisfying life of contribution.

When my husband is working long hours, he trusts and knows that the rest of his team is at home, safe and backing him in his pursuit of provision. When I am out speaking and mentoring people, I know that my little partners in creative crime are home safe and sound, living out the beauty of a messy life.

We work together to bring good. We are not in competition with one another. We listen, we care and we are deeply positive about the potential of what we can do when our hearts and values live aligned.

One of the greatest ways that trust erodes, is a family that is constant in its attack of one another. Where words become weapons and no matter what happens the attack is quarrelsome and fierce.

Proverb 27:15-16

A quarrelsome wife is annoying as constant as dripping on a rainy day.

Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.

Have you ever tried to hold something of worth with greasy hands?

It is terrifying. That’s what it feels like to live a life with someone who is always on the defence. Someone who is attacking everything and without even knowing is trying desperately to pull down any sense of achievement in the family unit because competition, jealousy and emotional dysfunction takes a hold. Trust cannot be built in this environment.

Do you long for an environment of peace in your household?

What are your expectations doing to the atmosphere?

Is your internal peace destabilising the core of your team?

When you live your lives quarrelling, when there are always unmet expectations, trust cannot be built. If you long to live in an atmosphere where those closest to you can clearly say they trust you reciprocally, then maybe a little clean out of expectations and quarrels may be required in this season.

Trust is built, it is not given.


ONLINE USE_Amanda Viviers profile photo Amanda is a writer, speaker, creative coach, wife of Charl and novice Mum to Maximus and Liberty. She’s published three books and can be found in her beach shack, writing her fourth. Her daily blog is a Christian Media & Arts Australia best digital media project award winner. Amanda is a presenter on radio across New Zealand and Australia and is the co-founder of Kin Women; a network created to inspire women. Along with her husband, she is co-owner of surf brand, Maximus and Liberty. They manufacture surfboards, stand up paddle-boards and merchandise to fund youth surfing projects globally. Driven by a passion for social justice, Amanda loves supporting projects for children in developing countries. Teaching children to live creative lives, beyond the circumstances, is something she pursues daily. Follow Amanda on Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Pinterest